How can you tell and indeed, what do you do if you think a relationship might not be working for you?
I'm in this constant dilemna at the moment .... is this relationship worth it? If only I had a crystal ball!
More and more I see glimpses of the old "pre-prozac" behaviour.. I know he's forgotten to take it a couple of times this week and I don't know if that makes any difference? Suddenly the old "J" is back - arrogant, sarcastic, critical.
We did a gig tonight with a bunch of other people who we don't know that well, and sure enough, just like old times, his mood changed and he was making unpleasant, "under his breath" comments which just made everyone else uncomfortable. The comments were unjustified and it was plain rudeness. I can't work out whether this is just him or whether this is the depression. If it's the depression, I guess I'll stick it out - that's not his fault. But perhaps this is actually HIM - maybe he is just not very nice? I'm drawing to the conclusion that if that's the case, then I can't see this working out. I really don't like who he is when he behaves like this. I've always maintained that love is unconditional - but lately I've found it really hard to LIKE him.
This last week or so has seen very little in the way of affection or even companionship. As an Apple Mac fan, I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I'm sick to the back teeth of seeing that glowing apple - and his face submerged behind the screen... It's like my only purpose is to clean, make tea, do shopping and fork out money. I'm amazed at how lonely I feel in this relationship. I tried an finally succeeded in talking to him about it earlier in the week - he seemed shocked that I felt that way and said he hadn't realised. I really thought he'd listened, but to be honest the rest of the week has carried on much as before. I almost feel I need to pinch myself sometimes to check that I actually exist... It's a well known fact in this house now, that unless you're a computer, a cat, or someone bringing a beer - you're pretty much invisible!
Is this the depression or is this what my "love" is really like? I wish someone could tell me - perhaps that should be a request on my Christmas list!
