So... after all the waiting to see you this week, only 18 hours after you arrive, I already feel hurt. I wanted to see you so much, and last night when you arrived you were pretty good - it was good to see you. But then this morning it's like being with a stranger. The way you behaved to Anne about completing the CRB check forms was just appalling. I'm quite sure you were well aware of how rude you were being, and deliberately difficult - well bully for you, you made your point - but you embarrassed me and someone who was just trying to do their job.
Then when we get home you casually mention to my parents and I that a change of family plans means that you won't be coming for Christmas now until the 28th. First things first - I'm a huge supporter of family values and wouldn't for a minute suggest that you DIDN'T see them. What hurts is the fact that you announced it - there was no discussion about it - it was a fait acomplis. If you really wanted to, there are plenty of ways we could have worked round it - but you made it fairly clear that you won't entertain discussion about it. So all that has acheived is to make me feel bottom of the pile in your list of priorities - it really didn't seem to matter to you that it might have upset me. But then again, today has shown me that at the moment, at least, the only person you are thinking about is you. It's times like this when we cease to function as a couple who discuss arrangements together - and you go back to it all being about you and just announcing how things will be. Maybe this seems petty to some, but I make so much effort to include you and to make sure that you can fit in with anything in my life - but then again, that's because you matter to me. Today it doesn't feel terribly reciprocal.
So here I am sitting upstairs writing this, as yet again you're sat on the sofa, nose in your laptop like I don't exist. For someone who says how much they missed me last week, you don't exactly seem very keen to spend any time with me. Then again, I'm sure there's some "reason" and all this is me being terribly unreasonable.
I can't really tell if this is a "bad" day for you on the depression front, or whether this is you just being "you". I'd come downstairs to sit with you, but I'm not sure you'd notice I was there.
