How sad - I almost blogged this afternoon about how great things had been with you over the last few days - you'd been a paragon of shining lovely virtue; kind, considerate, affectionate. I'd been having such a great time with you since we got back home. The only reason I hadn't blogged was that I'd got caught up with some emails I had to do...
But it would seem that my pleasure was somewhat premature and misguided as you have now "left the building" yet again. It may have taken a while but there's a pattern here - you do that when someone doesn't comply with your wishes. As with this evening when you demanded that I apologise. I refused, not to be antagonistic, but actually because I didn't (and still dont) believe that I needed to. As a result while I was making your tea, you effected your now somewhat drama-queen routine of storming out of the house muttering "pity really, it was all going so well." And indeed it was. But if it's so important to you why do you always manage to undermine our relationship in this way?
I'm sure we will always disagree about what the problem was this time, but as far as I'm concerned you asked to blind comment on a band you were playing to me - I didn't rate it very much, but then you told me you'd be asked to front them. I'd obviously given the wrong answer and you were peeved - whether you say you were or not, your reaction, tone and body language all suggest that you were. What I object to is being effectively "set up" like that and then told that I'm "in a funny mood" etc when I give the wrong answer.
I was fine - as you know I've been off colour during the last few days - but nonetheless I wanted to welcome you home warmly this evening, which I thought I'd done pretty well at! Surely you of all people should understand how infuriating it is when you take the blame for something under the guise of {"being in a mood" when you felt perfectly fine?!
What I can't understand is why you feel the need to get so snipey and unpleasant. It does nothing to strengthen our relationship and it does little to suggest that you respect and love me. I know everyone says things in anger - but you seem to say them with such ease - it takes so little for you to fly into a fury where you don't care whether you insult or belittle me. I'm sure there's an element of the depression in there, but you need to understand that they way that you treat me still hurts.
I don't like the manipulative games that you play. The storming out is really one of your trump cards. It's actually a form of controlling and bullying. If I don't say what you want me to say - you storm out. You know that it upsets me when you do, so you use it as a form of leverage. But it doesn't work - as you will have found out this evening. I'm not going to follow you out begging you not to go. Frankly if that's the way you're going to behave - I'd rather you did go. We both know that the only resolution is for me to apologise endlessly while you "punish" me for a while with rank disapproval and silence. Eventually you'll thaw and it'll be ok.... but it's not ok. This is not a healthy way to have relationships with people. There needs to be a sense of equality in any relationship - but for various reasons, you seem to need to control me. In the past you have because I would have done anything to keep the peace. I now know that this was the wrong thing to do as all it did was create an abusive environment.
I'm not going back to that again.
