I'm surprised that it's been so long since the last entry. When I started doing this, I thought it would end up being nigh-on a daily thing, but it's probably a good sign that I'm busy getting on with life instead of tapping away at a computer keyboard!
I wanted to write this post especially for you. I did say previously that I would try to make sure that I made reference to positive things as well as blowing off steam about the not-so-positive aspects!
I realised that part of the reason I'm writing this is that when things were very difficult between us, I bought a book called the "Depression Fallout" by Anne Sheffield. It was a fabulous book that made a world of difference to how I approached our situation. I realised that there was so many aspects that I hadn't realised were suffered by partners the world over - it gave me confidence and courage to keep going. I suppose ulimately I might consider making this blog public or accessible to the partners of depressives. It makes so much difference hearing other people's stories - especially where there is hope.
This weekend absolutely MUST been seen as one of happiness and hope. My family had come over from the USA - it was a much awaited visit and you agreed to be a part of it. Other people's families can, at best, be challenging, especially when there were so many of them and it was truly chaotic. But you were fabulous. You were witty, engaging, well-mannered, great with the kids and you offered my mother so much help and support so that she wasn't stuck in the kitchen missing out. As you know - my father was so delighted by how you were that he made a point of commenting on it last night, and thanking you for all you'd brought to the occasion. It is with genuine sadness that we say goodbye to you today - we know you have to return for work reasons, but we all wish you'd been able to stay a little longer. Mum said she really felt you were part of our family and my brother was also astonished at the change in you over the last year. You should be SO proud of yourself. I know I am. This weekend was testament to exactly how much effort you have made to get better and to move forward with your life. There were times over the weekend when I knew you were finding things a bit overwhelming (in fairness I think we all were!!) but you stuck with it, with good humour and a smile.
Without wanting to sound negative - following events in the last couple of years, my family have found our relationship very difficult. Whilst they wish us both to be happy, they were understandably guarded about us rekindling our relationship. However this weekend I honestly felt that they finally understood WHY we'd given it another go, and more to the point that they approved. That's a huge step - they've always wanted you to feel welcome, but they engaged with you on a new level this weekend. It fills me with hope for the future.
Thank you so much. You did this for me and you knew how important it was. I feel cherished and loved. There will be hard times. It's inevitable with a depressive illness, but the Prozac seems to suit you well and the progress is impressive. We BOTH need to remember that when things aren't so good, that it's not the end of the world and that it doesn't spell doom and gloom for the relationship. I shall always look back on this weekend with very happy memories, and so much of that was brough about by you. I love you xxxxx
